"The Adventures of Unit Y"
Episode I: "America's Secret Weapon"
Ah, to flourish! Real evil doesn’t seek to accomplish any particular goal beyond self-promotion, and with the assistance of dedicated servants of darkness, evil was poised to continue a near decade-long flourishing.
And who would seek to help evil flourish? Not those with wicked hearts—no! The wicked are the beneficiaries of evil’s success, not its cause.
No, evil flourishes because of the self-righteous who know not what they do: those who seek to advance what they perceive to be a noble cause, through ignoble means. And in this age, the self-righteous who have fostered a resurgence of true evil are known as
Not much is known of P.U.M.A.’s true leadership...
...but, like most organizations that foster evil, their lead henchmen (and hench-women) are easily identifiable caricatures:
Emboldened only by their zeal and blinded by their disregard of the evil they were helping to promote, they attacked relentlessly, unafraid to use the most base and deplorable tactics at hand, justifying their heinous actions through the supposed ends they sought.
And evil flourished.
And hope faded....
WASHINGTON, DC – The Chairman, in his office on the top floor of the Ivy Fortress, poured over the latest reports of P.U.M.A.’s nefarious actions and knew there was only one force in his arsenal capable of responding: the last hope for good.
He gave the order with a mighty roar:
"Get me Unit-Y!!!"
Yes, Unit-Y, the mightiest force in politics and the last, best hope to break evil's grip on America!
Unit-Y, a crack squad of real American heroes—trailblazers who would stop at nothing to prevent evil from succeeding!
UNIT-Y
An unbreakable bond, forged in battle, joins these two warriors in their common quest to restore America’s greatness and redeem our nation from the darkness that has clouded its destiny for too long! Even when miles apart, this dynamic duo, along with the Unit-Y Avengers, struggle constantly to bring America together for the common good! Champions of the downtrodden! Fighters for justice! Our only hope for victory: UNIT-Y!
Without hesitation, the fearless Unit-Y springs into action!
"Take that, foes of freedom!"
"And have one of these while you're at it!"
The lines have been drawn! Unit-Y has struck back at P.U.M.A. and made clear that, this time, the forces of division and distraction will NOT stand in the way of defeating evil!
Though this mighty blow has been struck by our intrepid Unit-Y, P.U.M.A. vows to continue fighting, irrespective of the harm they might cause and the futility of their efforts:
We shall never stop fighting you, Unit-Y!
And while the Chairman keeps a watchful eye on all 50 States,...
...Americans can sleep soundly, knowing that the unstoppable power of Unit-Y stands ready to protect our movement and restore goodness and harmony to the nation!
The next installment of "The Adventures of Unit-Y" is coming soon, so stay vigilant, America.
